I am honestly not sure what the word Child support is really supposed to mean at this point… I was always under the impression Child Support was meant to help you pay for things for your child like health insurance, child care, doctors visits, clothes, food, etc. Things that your kid needs to grow and live… Both parents have had to submit their income etc. and the state has this whole calculator that figures out what your child deserves as far as support and then how much each parent should be contributing towards their care.
Which to me makes total sense, its money you need to care for your child. For me because I pay all the bills when it comes to my son this support makes a big difference in paying for his care. To be able to pay his daycare every month so both his parents can go to work. Help pay his health insurance so hes covered if anything happens, not to mention he’s 3 and in daycare… As most parents know, little kids in day care get sick its par for the course so health insurance is a must.
But in my x’s world child support is only seen as money that he has to give his evil x and it feels like he does everything in his power to not pay me. Then when he does pay me it’s never on time. It’s never consistent and let me tell you it sucks. For me there are no options, no choices when it comes to paying bills for my kid. I can’t not pay for his health insurance because if I don’t it will get cancelled and then I would leave him without coverage. He needs coverage, he depends on me to take care of him and part of that is making sure I can care for him if he gets sick or hurt.
I can’t not pay his day care, if I want to be able to drop him off every day so I can go to work, they have to be paid. For my x who really only see’s his son every other weekend I am the one who would have to suffer. His day care doesn’t get paid and I can’t drop him off, I am the one who can’t go to work because he is in my care. His dad is in a different state, it’s a bit of a hike. I couldn’t even tell him this is your fault get here now to get your kid because it could take upwards of 3 hours for him to arrive here. At that point I’m about half way through my work day and might as well just take the whole day.
I know to some parents it’s hard to see what your child support goes to, but those are the kinds of repercussions the parents who pay the bills face when they don’t get their support. At the moment we are doing okay because I am keeping the daycare paid a month in advance, but I have to. I know at some point during the month I should get paid the child support that’s owed so as long as I pay the things my son needs in advance his fathers lack of consistency shouldn’t mess anything up too bad.
But it’s sad it has to come to this, not being able to rely on the father of my child to do what he needs to do to care for his kid. That if our baby needs something I can’t rely on him to help. That I have to call in and report all the time about missed payments, partial or late payments.
For me whatever my little man needs always comes before anything else I do. Now when I say this don’t think I cater to his every whim and if he wants a toy or something it is more important than a bill or food. That’s not what I am talking about, I just mean making sure his health care is paid, his day care is paid, he has clothes/ shoes that fit, he has food, the utilities are paid so he has a roof over his head with everything working. These are the types of things I refer to, I always make sure whats needed for him to be properly cared for is paid before everything else. As a parent I can’t imagine it any other way. Though I don’t always let my kid know whatever he wants or needs is more important to me then anything because I don’t want to spoil him but at the end of the day they are the things that weigh on me more then anything.
So I guess it will always be hard for me to fathom a parent that doesn’t pay their child care or doesn’t realize what it is meant for. No one likes paying bills especially when there is a divorce or end of a relationship in play. It sucks, it hurts, it’s hard, trust me I know I have been there. But at some point you have to put your big boy (or girl) pants on and be the adult that your children need. You have to be there for them, you have to care for them and their needs need to be addressed. You are all they have in this world, if they can’t rely on their parents who can they rely on?